you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
