He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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