mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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