there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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