The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
