Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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