Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
