what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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