That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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