one might say we're banned from that church
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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