i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
