if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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