are you still at the devil's house?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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