xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
