YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
