Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
