is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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