smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
