# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
