my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
