Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
