is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
