Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
