Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
