Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
