I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
where does the pee come out of this thing
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
