i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
