Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
