She's JV to your varsity
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
