Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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