First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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