dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
