Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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