Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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