why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
