THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
