i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this boner is exhausting
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
