I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it hurts more in the daytime
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
