didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
