The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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