allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
