i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
