3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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