he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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