he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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