Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
