It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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