I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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