I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just invented taco cereal.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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