We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
